Alive in the Fire

The name Alive in the Fire came to me when I first started practicing hot yoga in 2010.

I was a complete mess.

I was exhausted, overwhelmed, anxious, and deeply depressed, feeling the weight of years of childhood 'good girl' perfectionism catching up to me. I had this intense pressure to have my entire life figured out.

I was stuck, scared, and unsure of my next steps—and feeling it in my body.

Tiredness.

Heaviness.

Brain fog.

I woke up one morning, fed up with feeling this way, and had a moment of clarity—I knew the most important thing I could do that day was to walk into the local bookstore and buy a yoga DVD. I didn’t know why exactly but I knew I had to do that.

I had done some yoga throughout high school, in addition to being on the dance team and doing one summer of a recreational swim team. Connecting with my body had always been a way back to happiness.

Deep within me, my intuition was saying, Move. Move, and you’ll feel better.

It was a small step, but it felt monumental.

I watched Maya Fiennes’s Kundalini Yoga to Detox and Destress videos on repeat that week, surprised at how the breathwork and gentle movements were shifting something in me.

That weekend, I took an even bigger leap of faith and signed up for a class at a nearby hot yoga studio. Little did I know, that decision was about to lead me in a new direction.

I felt relief and comfort in the heat of the studio. As a California girl at heart who had grown up in the sunshine and heat of the Sacramento Valley, I had struggled with the seasonal depression and freezing cold of Chicagoland.

But yoga helped me breathe a heavy sigh of relief and let me relax the tension I’d been holding all winter. I would get to class early and set up in the back row, tucking myself quietly into a corner that felt safe. I loved the way the mats were lined up in perfect rows, the level of discipline and focus that the people around me had while they practiced. I loved the repetition of the postures and seeing my own progress in subtle ways as the days, weeks, and months went on. The teachers were encouraging and friendly, inviting me to come back after every class.

Hot yoga was helping me.

It was helping me feel stronger in my body. Feel more alive and awake and present.

It was encouraging me to care for myself better outside of class, too—to hydrate more, get better sleep, and to enjoy the bike ride to and from the studio.

I felt more connected. I was starting to fit into the community, to open up more and get to know the other yogis in class who I recognized.

Around the same time that I started practicing hot yoga consistently, I also started writing this blog.

I called it Alive in the Fire.

The name encapsulates this feeling that I often have while in the middle of a vigorous, sweaty yoga practice:

The feeling of being fully alive.

Intensely alive.

Present.

Calm.

Simply breathing, focused on the moment, one pose at a time.

When I am alive in the fire, there is nothing to do but be here right now—even if this moment is uncomfortable. Even if my muscles are shaking and sweat is dripping down my face and I would love to take a break from the pose.

When I am alive in the fire, I can access that stable, quiet, calm place within, even if the world around me is chaotic and wild.

Alive in the Fire captures the way life can be turbulent and difficult, the way it sometimes bothers us and heats up our emotions—and yet we persist.

We transform. We continue to persevere, evolve, and thrive. Alive in the Fire—as my blog, creative outlet, brand, and community—has continued to change and develop over the years, as has my own personal yoga practice.

I am proud of this sacred space that I can turn to during life’s ups and downs.