Grief During the Holidays
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This is a time of year when we can feel this pressure to have it all together, to be cheery, to be cozied up with people we love. To have life be picture perfect. “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” right?
But this time of year can be heavy.
It can bring up grief.
It can remind us of what we’ve lost this year.
And that’s okay. Maybe this year, we don’t have to push away the emotions that are coming up.
I’m reading this awesome book right now, and I wanted to share a quote from it, in case you are experiencing grief.
It’s called The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller. In it, he talks about how to grieve and how to welcome the pain of loss rather than rejecting it.
The part I read today was so profound:
GIVING EMOTIONS A BOTTOM
“One facet of our aversion to grief is fear. Hundreds of times in my practice as a therapist, I have heard how fearful people are of dropping into the well of grief.
The most frequent comment is, ‘If I go there, I’ll never return.’ What I found myself saying one day was rather surprising. ‘If you don’t go there, you’ll never return.’ …
If we are to return to the richly textured life of soul and to participation with the soul of the world, we must pass through the intense region of grief and sorrow. This requires that we, once again, put faith in grief. This requires us to give grief a bottom, a foundation upon which to come to rest.”
He goes on to share the image of a child who has scraped their knees and can climb into the lap of a parent who comforts them and reminds them that everything will be all right. How this gives the child the ability to feel the full weight of the pain and trust that it has an end point, that it’s something they can get through.
He then compares this to the image of a teenager getting home late at night after suffering a betrayal or rejection, and the pain of processing that grief on their own. “In such a situation,” Weller says, “with no love and compassion surrounding us, the holding container for our powerful emotions would never be allowed to take shape. The grief would begin to feel bottomless, and we would feel panicked. We would learn quickly to fear the free fall of grief.”
I share this as a reminder that you don’t have to hold all of the weight and pain of loss alone. It helps to have support from others, to talk about our grief, so we don’t shoulder it all ourselves.
If you’re grieving, I understand.
I am, too.
This time of year usually seems to bring up a wave of reflection about what’s been lost.
But what if instead of numbing ourselves or pretending that we aren’t hurting, we turn towards the pain, let ourselves feel it, ask for help, and trust that it won’t last forever?
Not easy to do…
But so worth it.
Sending you lots of love,
Rachel
PS Here are 3 other blog posts you might like:
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