2020
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I want to look back on this year and remember. And so I’m writing a few things down…
2020 was the year I became a runner.
When I learned how to keep moving even when my legs felt like they were on fire. How to get out the door with excuses running through my head. How to let even just the sunrise be the motivation to get moving.
When I learned about endurance, the sacrifice it requires. How if you choose to run at such a distance you’ll be required to upgrade your life in so many areas, and how the process itself is worth it.
How precious my time alone is.
How you can solve most problems on a run, as long as the run is long enough. ;)
How training alone— it truly lights me up. How being outside— it is a saving grace.
The year I learned to be outside. To give thanks for how nature can give us anything we are searching for. Nature holds the space for us to heal. To grieve. To love. To fight and suffer and fall down. And to get back up.
Nature carries forward through every season without a struggle. It can be warm out, or cold, light or dark, clear skies or choked from smoke— and life continues. The birds sing and the clouds move and all is well. Nature helped me come home again this year. Home to my body, home to my spirit, home to what I need. What a gift!
2020 was the year I showed up in the gym more consistently than ever. When I went for it and learned to notice that moment when my body could do more than my mind was telling me it could.
To TRUST my body in those moments, and get out of my own way.
And at home I learned to eat. I learned to slow down and enjoy the food in a new way. To nourish myself and trust my hunger.
In 2020, I gave myself grace.
And I learned how to sit with the feeling of loneliness. Loneliness is just my heart asking me to sit down and feel. Loneliness is an illusion… the illusion of separation. There is no separation.
2020 was a year to surrender, to slow down, to breathe. To live moment by moment.
2020 was the year I rewrote old stories.
A year when I learned to trust myself.
To hold myself in high regard, to value myself, to see my worth.
This year I’ve learned how to slow down. How not to rush. How to be patient and how to work through the emotions that come up when I’m feeling impatient.
This year I’ve turned toward my art during times of struggle and I’ve used that art to alchemize my pain. I’ve poured my heart into my writing. In my books, hell, even in my posts on social media. I’ve been opening up more, sharing more, letting myself be seen.
Posting more videos. Sharing more authentically when I teach yoga. Allowing the natural rhythm of my voice.
2020. A year when I learned more about love than I ever thought possible. I have been learning about my patterns. My weaknesses, the ways I project and the ways I act when fear comes up. I’ve sat in my own darkness and looked at my own insecurities and have found new ways to be kind to myself.
I’ve learned to let others help me.
To give myself permission not to do everything alone. To be held, cared for. Somewhere along the way I picked up this belief that I had to be strong all the time, that I had to suffer alone instead of ask for help. This year I’ve been re-writing that belief and learning to let myself lean on others, feeling how sweet it is to let my guard down.
I’ve been learning boundaries.
Learning what I can give and when I need my space. Learning not to feel guilty for taking that space.
Today is November 24, 2020. It’s so beautiful how I’ve learned so much this year, and it isn’t even over yet.
