Hi, friends.

I've been in hibernation mode lately. Anyone else feeling the cold, dark energy of winter?

I've felt the desire to be alone, to be quiet, and— truth be told— to hide. For the last few weeks, I haven't felt great about myself. I've been working more hours than I'd like to, feeling overwhelmed. Stress eating. Practicing and working out less than I'd like to.

I've been on my mat every day throughout January, but it feels like my body is heavy, tired and sluggish— plus I haven't been sharing or posting for you guys in the way that I had planned to before we started this challenge.

Recently in my meditation, I took a step back and looked at all of this. I asked myself, What's this about? Where am I stuck? What's really needing to heal?

I realized it's this deep layer within me that feels like she isn't enough. It's the old wound of my childhood, the voice that says, You're not lovable. You need to do more. You aren't beautiful enough. You should be perfect.

Once I discovered that voice in my head, I took a step back. F. That. Sh*t! I said to myself, shaking my head. That BS is not true.

I am enough. I am beautiful, strong, worthy, and capable. I do a lot. Nothing needs to change for me to deserve love, happiness and a peaceful, content life. And although I've known this for a long time, and had the awareness of my own insecurities, there is still a voice that creeps in and tries to convince me otherwise.

The healing journey isn't over. There are still parts of me to accept and love more fully— that will always be the case, and that is OK.

And— this is the other BIG revelation that has proved so helpful— I'm not alone!

Many of us share the same struggles.

I've been in three different Reiki sessions this week where my clients spoke about the exact same fears and struggles I've been going through. Feelings of self doubt. Feelings of shame. Negative thought patterns about needing to accomplish more, struggles with forming new habits, and a hint of seasonal depression.

What a relief it has been to realize I'm not alone in my struggle, and that all of this is going to be OK. In fact, it already is.

When we examine our shadows— the dark parts of us that are self-harming, the negative voice, and the difficult emotions like anger, guilt and shame— we give ourselves the gift of healing. In the yoga practice, this is called Svadhyaya— the art of self study. The willingness to reflect and to go deeper, to discover who we are as individuals and how we fit into the greater whole. As we peel back the layers of the Self, we begin to see the connection we have to everything and everyone around us.

We begin to invite a deep sense of healing. And we grow.

Sending a heartfelt hug to each of you. Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Namaste,
Rachel

PS If you're interested in exploring more, there are some awesome articles about svadhyaya from Yogi International and Ekhart Yoga. ;) Let me know how I can support you in your practice this week!